This story was inspired by the following word prompts:
Word of the Day: Succinct.
Today’s things are: meat loaf, soup, stealing
WARNING: This story is a little bit rude.
A Tight Deadline
It was the strangest dinner party I had ever been to. The host and hostess were a particularly odd pair wearing matching aprons. I had only been invited along at the last-minute because Siobhan asked me to come with her. Why I said yes, I’ll never know. Infatuation will make you do crazy things.
I remember her saying to me after stealing a few quiet moments together.
“I’ve been invited to Trevor and Sue’s for dinner and I don’t want to go on my own. Would you come with me?” She batted her eyelashes at me and I was putty in her hands.
I had a tight deadline to meet and so I hadn’t wanted to go at all, but I had been desperate to hook up with Siobhan for ages and she had rebuffed my every move up until now.
Part of me knew, I think, that she didn’t fancy me at all, that she was only asking me because she wanted someone to share her torment and I was the nearest biddable option.
That is what I mean by infatuation making you do crazy things.
We arrived and I was considerably overdressed in my jeans and red shirt. To be fair, so was Siobhan in her cotton dress. I don’t think she expected it either, but everyone else was as naked as the day they were born, apart from our host and hostess in their aprons, but their ample backsides showed like enormous sideways smiles whenever they turned their backs.
I objected to the way that everyone looked at me expecting me to join them in this nude fest but I don’t do that sort of thing. The snake stays firmly in it’s nest. If you catch my drift. Am I being succinct enough?
Then the host came in carrying the dinner, a massive meat loaf in the shape of something that should never have been placed on a dinner table. The way he started carving it up too, made me want to heave. It was like watching a slasher movie.
“Erm, sorry to be a pain, but I’m actually a vegetarian” I heard myself saying. It wasn’t true but I don’t think I could bring myself to put that food in my mouth.
The host said he had some lentil soup.
I leaned up to Siobhan, who after all was the reason I had been subjected to this test of endurance and confided in her that I wasn’t really a vegetarian. Despite being my confidant, she didn’t seem to have any sympathy at all.
I asked her if Lentils were a fruit or a vegetable. She looked at me, like I was an idiot and replied.
“Actually, they are a pulse. You know, like a bean or a pea. I do think you could enter into the spirit of the thing a bit more Dave.”
She had actually stripped off to her panties, which had given me another reason why the snake monster was best kept in the dark.
I couldn’t take it any longer. I said a quick goodbye and ran out of the door.
I haven’t seen Siobhan since, but looking on the positive side, I met my deadline.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 31/July/2018