This story was inspired by the following word prompts:
Picture from Pixabay
The Local Wives and Mothers Guild of the little village of Muckleton-in-the-Marsh were having their weekly meeting.
They had already gone through the agenda, in a rather circuitous way, via all the gossip about everyone who wasn’t present, and now arrived at the most important item.
They needed to answer the most burning question. What was going to be their next fundraising project?
“Why not have a Pumpkin Carving competition? They had one last year over in Eckythorpe and they raised nearly two hundred pounds” Said Mrs Bottomley the Bankers wife.
“That’s no good” responded Mrs Palmer the Farmers wife “The weather’s been so poor we don’t have enough Pumpkins to go round. We could try it with turnips?”
“Who wants to pay to carve a turnip?” Said Mrs Prim the Florist.
“I know,” Said Old Granny Applebottom, their oldest member who at Ninety Seven years old had buried three husbands and so rumour would have it was on the look-out for number four. For her age she was surprisingly agile of mind and body, although her skin had so many wrinkles on it, it looked as though someone twice her size had tried it on and stretched it. Respectfully they all turned to listen to what their oldest and wisest member had to say.
“I saw a film about it and it was based on a true story. A group of ladies wanted to raise enough money for something so they decided to do one of those naughty naked calendars. They raised a fortune, apparently. Come on, let’s look it up on the computer.” She went over to the guild’s computer, kindly donated by Mr Pratt the Solicitor who had upgraded to something with a faster download. They had found all his dirty pictures on it and managed to bribe him into giving them a new table and chairs, a new tea and coffee set and the promise of free legal advice whenever they needed it.
Mrs Crabb, the guild secretary, typed in the name of the film, as given her by Granny Applebottom and eventually a picture built up on the screen.
They all gathered around to look at it. It showed several middle-aged to slightly more mature ladies gathered round a piano naked but with various objects hiding their unmentionables. The Knitwear and crochet work was very well placed.
Despite Granny Applebottom’s eagerness and protestations at how lucrative it could be, the general consensus was that they would do a tapestry competition instead.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 04/September/2018