The Unfortunate Proposal – A Short Story

This story was inspired by the following words:

FOWC with Fandango — Tease

Tease

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/09/14/your-daily-word-prompt-dramatic-september-14th-2018/

Dramatic

The Unfortunate Proposal

It was a dramatic moment, Darren was on one knee in the cabaret/restaurant and everyone around them had turned to watch. The onlookers were all smiling and friendly, but they didn’t know the inner turmoil she was going through.

Darren was a fine guy and everything but she’d only been out with him twice. He was far too keen and eager. She liked his childish enthusiasm but he lacked the maturity that she was looking for.

Marsha thought about what she should do. With everyone looking on, the easiest thing would be to say yes now then change her mind later, but that would be a cruel tease. He was obviously very keen on her and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him in front of the crowd.

There he was, looking up at her with those ice blue eyes and that beaming white smile.

“Darren, I am completely taken aback, but I don’t want to say anything here with everyone watching. Let’s sort out the bill and go somewhere and talk. OK?”

She saw the meaning of what she’d tried to say so diplomatically hit home, the light in his eyes seemed to go out and his smile faded.

She felt so awful, she had been enjoying the evening, they’d been laughing and joking until it had taken such a serious turn. She wondered about how she was coming across. Was there something about how she’d behaved that had led him to believe she was ready for that kind of serious step?

One thing was for sure, it had completely ruined comedy hour and she would never be able to show herself in the Comedy Club again.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/September/2018

Published by

talesfromthemindofkristian

People are far too complicated to be able to describe in a few words so I am not even going to try.

4 thoughts on “The Unfortunate Proposal – A Short Story”

  1. She saw the meaning of what she’d tried to say so diplomatically hit home, the light in his eyes seemed to go out and his smile faded.
    Worse luck for you, I’ve been critiquing writing this week, so can’t resist a comment on this sentence. 😉
    In the first half, the subject and verb are too far apart. I had to read it twice to get it. the light in his The second part’s an independent clause, so they need a semi-colon between.
    Or you could simplify: When the meaning behind her diplomatic response registered on him, she saw the light in his eyes go out…
    All that said, it was a good short tale and I liked the ending twist: comedy hour was completely ruined. 🙂

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