A Valentines to Remember – A comedy poem.

Love 1

I think it’s time to give this poem another airing. I wrote it a couple of years ago for a challenge that Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, set.

I hope you enjoy it 🙂

A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:

Stapler

Slug

One-eyed teddy bear

A bunch of carrots

Vibrator

Here is his post:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23

So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉

Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.

Him

“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,

I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.

I know it looks rather funny,  with one eye upon its head,

but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”

“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.

I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,

I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves

It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”

“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,

so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.

So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!

I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”

“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal

Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,

the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.

So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”

HER

“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,

and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.

I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,

A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”

HIM again

“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.

I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo

It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.

It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019

I hope you like this Rory!

Snow – Haiku

The Word of the Day is SNOW, and I thought it was time for this post to have another airing. 🙂

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/01/17/snow/

Snow is falling now

Will it keep me trapped inside?

Or set my soul free?

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 17/March/2018

Those Tender Roses – A poem

The Word of the Day was Tenderness and I remembered this poem that I wrote a couple of years ago and thought I would share it again.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/01/14/tenderness/

I remember the roses,
You lovingly tended.
You nurtured them tenderly,
until winter was ended.

You pruned them, protected them,
From all harm intended.
Those prize winning blooms
They were highly commended.

Your presence has gone now,
Your spirit has departed.
Your roses, now long dead,
Like you’d never started.

But I’m here and I wonder,
I never comprehended
Would I have blossomed better?
If your care you’d extended.

Did you love me at all?
No, I think you pretended.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 08/04/2018

This was written in response to a challenge from my friend Peter Dalby. Peter, having read my previous post, Tender Rose of Youth – Short story in 60 words, asked me If I could turn it into a poem. This is my attempt.

Action Resolution

January is the time to contemplate the year ahead and many make new year’s resolutions. I looked back at last year and I wrote a poem about my thoughts on the New Year and my own resolutions. It’s interesting to look back and see what was in my mind a year ago, before COVID. Life was so brilliant back then, if I’d only known it. 

My new year’s resolution,

As I contemplate new beginnings

Is to worry less about the execution

and just accept my loss or winnings.

Life’s too short to hesitate,

to feel vulnerable, give in to fear.

To stand paralysed until it’s too late,

Before you know it, you’ve lost another year.

So, don’t make idle promises

That you don’t intend to keep,

Just resolve to be more active,

For what you sow, you shall one day reap.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 04 January 2020. 

I have included the following word prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/01/04/resolution/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/01/01/resolution-2/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/01/04/rdp-satuyrday-new-beginnings/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2021/01/03/brilliant/

FOWC with Fandango — Vulnerable

Mistletoe and Secrets – A Christmas Poem

Mistletoe and Secrets

I remember when I was small

The mistletoe hung in the hall,

I didn’t know what it was for,

But I recall clearly what I saw.

The family, gathered In fancy dress

Would all kiss each other, and to my distress,

Would give a secretive, furtive look,

when Santa gave me a colouring book,

and to this day, I remember still,

thinking he looked like Uncle Phil.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 19/December/2018

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 🙂

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/12/19/secretive/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/12/19/rdp-wednesday-family/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/12/19/your-daily-word-prompt-mistletoe-december-19-2018/

A Touch of Writer’s Block – A poem

 

 

tea-1674830__340

 

I feel I’ve hit a solid wall,

the inspiration will not come

The more I sit here and stall,

the greater I become more numb.

 

I need to stop and drink,

copious amounts of tea,

then immerse myself and think,

about where I want to be.

 

Have I lost my creativity,

To instigate and plot a story?

Or will I regain my proclivity,

to Imagine and end this purgatory?

 

This writers block has been extreme.

I pray this is just an awful dream.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 23/January/2019

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/instigate/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/11/15/plot/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/rdp-wednesday-immerse/

FOWC with Fandango — Copious

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/01/23/your-daily-word-prompt-extreme-january-23-2019/

ask blackboard chalk board chalkboard
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Guess Who? – A Comic Poem.

I wrote this poem 2 years ago but thought it might be apt to repost it….

He was a man without much skill,

He stood there glaring and if looks could kill

We’d all have perished in the flame,

But one whiff of his stench, we’d be dead all the same.

He’d not come the farthest down the evolutionary path

His knuckles, he dragged and he needed a bath.

I think he was put on the earth to disrupt,

to enrage every saint and his good friends, corrupt.

But though he spreads lies and hatred and fears.

Hopefully, he’ll be gone in just two more years.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 09/November/2018

And I add:

Gone in two more years, really, did I say?

Let’s hope he’ll be gone, in just one more day.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/11/09/whiff/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2018/11/09/rdp-friday-skill/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/11/09/your-daily-word-prompt-farthest-november-9-2018/

The Haunted House – A comedy poem.

20181020_151015.jpg

This poem was inspired by this wonderful drawing by Kira of Kira’s Sunday Scribbles.

If you want to join in the challenge of writing something inspired by this great picture, click on this link below:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/10/21/kiras-sunday-scribbles-13/

I have also included in my poem the following word prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/31/ghoulish/

FOWC with Fandango — Drawer

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/10/22/your-daily-word-prompt-disguise-october-22-2018/

The Haunted House

As I walked into the place

I saw a strange face

On the mantlepiece wall

The eyes followed me around

And to my horror I found

A man standing there in the hall.

He wore a Ghoulish disguise

And I hate those guys

So, I ran away up the stairs

With a chainsaw he chased

But I had him outpaced

And I hid and said a few prayers.

I pulled open a drawer

Then fell through the floor

And landed on a mattress below.

How the crowds laughed!

For it wasn’t witchcraft,

It was all part of a Halloween show.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22/October/2018

50 Word Thursday – Yearning for Solidity.

This poem was written for the 50 Word Thursday Challenge, this week hosted by Teresa, The Haunted Wordsmith. see her post here:

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2019/04/17/50-word-thursday-16/

Here is the picture:

gargoyle - Kids | Britannica Kids | Homework Help

and here are the words:

and ne’er was a creature so true and so loyal
Dav Pilkey, God Bless the Gargoyles

Yearning for Solidity

It sits atop its castle walls,
lingering smiles on granite lips.
Bare and prone to whatever falls,
from pigeon’s droppings to rain drop drips.

Baked by summer’s sunshine rays
it never complains or makes demands
Without compromise or need of praise
enjoying the view that it commands.

It’s solid truth; accepted fact
That patience is a virtuous act,
and ne’er was a creature so true and loyal
as the silent, stately granite gargoyle.

I wish I could return to my youth,
Before I made a mistake and wed,
That flawed creature, a male, forsooth,
And married a noble gargoyle instead.

[100 Words]

copyright: Kristian Fogarty 18/April/2019

I have also included the following word prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/17/lingering/

FOWC with Fandango — Prone

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/18/your-daily-word-prompt-sunshine-april-18-2019/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/18/rdp-thursday-compromise/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/10/20/gargoyle/