Tales from the mind of Kristian
Visit the darkest crevices of my mind, dare to tread where many fear to go. You may find something interesting or you may find a mirror to your soul.
I wrote this poem and shared it back in February 2019. It was a different world back then, but I wanted to share it again with you and I hope it makes you laugh.
Continue reading A Multiple Word Prompt Poem – A Letter from Beryl.
Well, As it’s nearly halloween, I thought I would flick through my notebook to find a post from yesteryear to share with you and I found this poem that I wrote in response to a challenge set by that fantastic blogger, A Guy Called Bloke. It’s sort of appropriate for Valentines day or for Halloween… Enjoy:
Well it may be far too late now, but A Guy Called Bloke set a challenge to write a horror story (or Poem) including the following items:
Spooky Card
Rotten Heart
Carnivorous Chocolate Box
Haunted Balloons
Romantic Massacre
Voodoo Dolly
Undead Partner
Devilish Desire
See the posts here:
Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 9
Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 D9
So here is my attempt.
A spooky card came through the door,
I opened it up and nearly swore,
It was from a man I’d thought was dead.
He should have been, I’d chopped off his head.
My undead partner will turn me insane,
It seemed he’d risen up once again,
I thought I’d driven him away.
But now he’s back on Valentine’s Day!
This time I’ll extract his rotten heart,
A romantic massacre to tear him apart,
Or else I’ll use my voodoo doll,
Or haunted balloons, I’m on a roll.
Or how about a carnivorous chocolate box?
Of failing that a dose of chicken pox?
No, I’ll overindulge my devilish desire,
And burn him satanically on the fire.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 15/February/2019
The Word of the Day today is KISS, and so I remembered last year I wrote this poem inspired by this picture as part of a challenge by Keith Channing. I thought it would be a good time to share it again 🙂
This poem was written for Keith Channing’s Kreative Kue challenge:
https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/kreative-kue-264/
All I want to do is play with my duck
but it seems as though I’m just out of luck
I’ve been picked up and squeezed by hands so strong
I don’t like it, I think it’s so rude and so wrong!
I’d tell them to stop it, but I’m tiny and young
and I can’t seem to get the right words off my tongue.
And now they are pushing me into a face
Can I not have some dignity in this place?
I know you’re my mother and she is my sister,
but can’t you understand, I don’t want to kiss her?
It’s definitely a nightmare rather than a dream
so all I can do is to start crying and scream.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 30th May 2020
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/29/duck/
I think it’s time to give this poem another airing. I wrote it a couple of years ago for a challenge that Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, set.
I hope you enjoy it 🙂
A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:
Stapler
Slug
One-eyed teddy bear
A bunch of carrots
Vibrator
Here is his post:
Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23
So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉
Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.
Him
“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,
I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.
I know it looks rather funny, with one eye upon its head,
but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”
“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.
I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,
I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves
It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”
“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,
so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.
So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!
I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”
“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal
Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,
the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.
So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”
HER
“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,
and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.
I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,
A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”
HIM again
“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.
I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo
It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.
It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019
I hope you like this Rory!
Esther Chilton on her blog has posed the challenge to write a Limerick based on the prompt: MOON
Here is the link if you want to have a go too:
Here is my attempt:
“As I lay in the grass, all content
The night winds appearing God-sent
I gaze up at the moon
and start to assume
that some bugger has stolen my tent.”
And if you like this one you may like this poem I wrote a while ago called Moongazing:
https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/moongazing-a-multiple-word-prompt-poem/
I am a rather impulsive chap,
Unfortunately, it has to be said.
The other day, I got in a flap
and totally lost my head.
I thought I’d got an Intruder
so I bashed them on the noggin,
With my hand-knitted draught excluder
I gave them one hell of a floggin’
You can imagine my total dismay
when they rolled over and I Saw
the Postman with his letter’s in disarray
and a parcel that was meant for next door.
I’m sorry for the postman’s headache
and I couldn’t be more distraught
It was a totally honest mistake
I just hope that he’ll settle out of court.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22nd May 2020
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/rdp-friday-settle/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/noggin/
Chelsea Owens is also hosting a weekly Hilarity contest, click on the link below to have a look at her latest post:
The Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/16 – 5/22/2020
A Guy Called Bloke has thrown down the gauntlet to write a story or a poem with a Valentine’s day theme. Click on the link to see his post:
Here is my poem:
I was desperate, I admit, it’s true
That’s why I agreed to meet with you,
It was Valentine’s day and not wishing to be unkind,
I wouldn’t normally choose to go on a date that’s blind.
Neither of us knew quite what to expect,
But you’re not my type, no disrespect.
You see, what I’m after, and no doubt so are you,
Is someone taller, good looking and twenty-two.
I suppose we’re both just too much the same,
two disappointed searchers, it’s such a shame.
It’s been a nice evening, not bad, alright
not absolutely a wasted night.
Sorry, what’s that you said? You’ll pay the check?
With your gold diner’s card? Just wait a sec.
Maybe, after all, this has been my fate?
Would you like to go on a second date?
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14th February 2020
This poem was written for Keith Channing’s Kreative Kue challenge, click on the link below to see his post:
https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2020/02/10/kreative-kue-249/
As they gathered in a crowd so thickly,
One looked up and shouted “Quickly!
It’s those tourists back again, once more,
To take our picture, What a bore.
Let’s stampede before they turn and click,
Those photo fiends just make me sick!”
But, too late, they’d got their photograph,
A load of Wildebeest and not one giraffe.
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14th February 2020
I have also included the Word of the Day: Quickly
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/02/14/quickly/
When I’m singing at karaoke,
With my voice all crackly and croaky
My neighbours all shout
“Dear God! Cut it out”
When I start doing the Hokey-cokey.
They call it a thoughtless act
Well, I’ve never had that much tact,
And tactless though I am,
I don’t give a damn
I’ll keep on singing until I’m attacked.
Though they cry it gets on their wick,
Well, honestly, I don’t care a lick
They say it’s a cacophony
But I shout back with joy and glee.
“Have gratitude the walls are quite thick”
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 17/July/2019
I have included the following word prompts:
FOWC with Fandango — Cacophony
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/karaoke/
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/rdp-wednesday-gratitude/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/your-daily-word-prompt-tactless-july-17-2019/
He made a whistle in a jocular fashion
And smiled evocatively, with a passion,
But the noise of the wind,
Wiped the smile that he’d grinned,
And his face became rather ashen.
It turned out he had rather mistook
The lovely young girl’s innocent look
Though his charms he’d project
He’d quite failed to protect
when she kicked them and gave a right hook.
https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/rdp-saturday-wind/
https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/your-daily-word-prompt-project-july-13-2019/
https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/jocular/
Tales from the mind of Kristian 
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