Kreative Kue – Not a time for Kisses!

The Word of the Day today is KISS, and so I remembered last year I wrote this poem inspired by this picture as part of a challenge by Keith Channing. I thought it would be a good time to share it again 🙂

Kiss

This poem was written for Keith Channing’s Kreative Kue challenge:

https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/kreative-kue-264/

All I want to do is play with my duck

but it seems as though I’m just out of luck

I’ve been picked up and squeezed by hands so strong

I don’t like it, I think it’s so rude and so wrong!

I’d tell them to stop it, but I’m tiny and young

and I can’t seem to get the right words off my tongue.

And now they are pushing me into a face

Can I not have some dignity in this place?

I know you’re my mother and she is my sister,

but can’t you understand, I don’t want to kiss her?

It’s definitely a nightmare rather than a dream

so all I can do is to start crying and scream.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 30th May 2020

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/29/duck/

A Valentines to Remember – A comedy poem.

I think it’s time to give this poem another airing. I wrote it a couple of years ago for a challenge that Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, set.

I hope you enjoy it 🙂

A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:

Stapler

Slug

One-eyed teddy bear

A bunch of carrots

Vibrator

Here is his post:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23

So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉

Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.

Him

“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,

I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.

I know it looks rather funny,  with one eye upon its head,

but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”

“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.

I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,

I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves

It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”

“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,

so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.

So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!

I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”

“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal

Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,

the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.

So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”

HER

“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,

and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.

I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,

A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”

HIM again

“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.

I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo

It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.

It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019

I hope you like this Rory!

A Limerick – Gaze at the Moon

Photo by David Besh on Pexels.com

 

Esther Chilton on her blog has posed the challenge to write a Limerick based on the prompt: MOON

Here is the link if you want to have a go too:

https://esthernewtonblog.wordpress.com/2020/05/25/laughing-along-with-a-limerick-10/comment-page-1/#comment-23289

 

Here is my attempt:

“As I lay in the grass, all content
The night winds appearing God-sent
I gaze up at the moon
and start to assume
that some bugger has stolen my tent.”

 

And if you like this one you may like this poem I wrote a while ago called Moongazing:

https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2018/07/27/moongazing-a-multiple-word-prompt-poem/

 

Another Silly Rhyme – A Bash on the Noggin.

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

 

I am a rather impulsive chap,

Unfortunately, it has to be said.

The other day, I got in a flap

and totally lost my head.

I thought I’d got an Intruder

so I bashed them on the noggin,

With my hand-knitted draught excluder

I gave them one hell of a floggin’

You can imagine my total dismay

when they rolled over and I Saw

the Postman with his letter’s in disarray

and a parcel that was meant for next door.

I’m sorry for the postman’s headache

and I couldn’t be more distraught

It was a totally honest mistake

I just hope that he’ll settle out of court.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22nd May 2020

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/rdp-friday-settle/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/noggin/

 

Chelsea Owens is also hosting a weekly Hilarity contest, click on the link below to have a look at her latest post:

The Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/16 – 5/22/2020

 

 

 

The Dating Scene – A poem about a blind date, for A Guy Called Bloke’s Valentine Day challenge.

A Guy Called Bloke has thrown down the gauntlet to write a story or a poem with a Valentine’s day theme. Click on the link to see his post:

Valentine’s Day Competition! 2020

 

Here is my poem:

 

I was desperate, I admit, it’s true

That’s why I agreed to meet with you,

It was Valentine’s day and not wishing to be unkind,

I wouldn’t normally choose to go on a date that’s blind.

Neither of us knew quite what to expect,

But you’re not my type, no disrespect.

You see, what I’m after, and no doubt so are you,

Is someone taller, good looking and twenty-two.

I suppose we’re both just too much the same,

two disappointed searchers, it’s such a shame.

It’s been a nice evening, not bad, alright

not absolutely a wasted night.

Sorry, what’s that you said? You’ll pay the check?

With your gold diner’s card? Just wait a sec.

Maybe, after all, this has been my fate?

Would you like to go on a second date?

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14th February 2020

Kreative Kue 249 -Photo Fiends – A poem.

 

This poem was written for Keith Channing’s Kreative Kue challenge, click on the link below to see his post:

https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2020/02/10/kreative-kue-249/

 

As they gathered in a crowd so thickly,

One looked up and shouted “Quickly!

It’s those tourists back again, once more,

To take our picture, What a bore.

Let’s stampede before they turn and click,

Those photo fiends just make me sick!”

But, too late, they’d got their photograph,

A load of Wildebeest and not one giraffe.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14th February 2020

 

I have also included the Word of the Day: Quickly

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/02/14/quickly/

Croakey Karaoke – A multiple Word Prompt Poem

 

 

When I’m singing at karaoke,

With my voice all crackly and croaky

My neighbours all shout

“Dear God! Cut it out”

When I start doing the Hokey-cokey.

 

 

They call it a thoughtless act

Well, I’ve never had that much tact,

And tactless though I am,

I don’t give a damn

I’ll keep on singing until I’m attacked.

 

 

Though they cry it gets on their wick,

Well, honestly, I don’t care a lick

They say it’s a cacophony

But I shout back with joy and glee.

“Have gratitude the walls are quite thick”

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 17/July/2019

 

I have included the following word prompts:

 

FOWC with Fandango — Cacophony

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/karaoke/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/rdp-wednesday-gratitude/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/07/17/your-daily-word-prompt-tactless-july-17-2019/

 

Unwanted Attentions – A multiple word prompts poem.

 

He made a whistle in a jocular fashion

And smiled evocatively, with a passion,

But the noise of the wind,

Wiped the smile that he’d grinned,

And his face became rather ashen.

 

It turned out he had rather mistook

The lovely young girl’s innocent look

Though his charms he’d project

He’d quite failed to protect

when she kicked them and gave a right hook.

 

FOWC with Fandango — Whistle

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/rdp-saturday-wind/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/your-daily-word-prompt-project-july-13-2019/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/07/13/jocular/

 

A Rather Peculiar Tapestry – A Multiple Word Prompt Poem

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Usually, I like a tapestry,
Its rhythmic warp and weft.
It’s something that I love to see,
The few pleasures I have left.

I like to see a rural scene,
All natural and bucolic,
With ducks and geese and trees of green,
Or spring lambs in fields a-frolic.

But I have to say, I’m not quite sure
I like the subject that you’ve chosen,
Oh, I admit you can’t ignore,
the sight of corpses, bare and frozen.

But it’s rather a peculiar thing,
To represent war’s anniversary
To depict the blood and suffering,
Then display it in the nursery.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 28/April/2019

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/peculiar/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/ragtag-sunday-warp/comment-page-1/#comment-12327

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/28/your-daily-word-prompt-represent-april-28-2019/comment-page-1/#comment-4138

FOWC with Fandango — Bucolic

 

I wrote this back in April, but today’s Word of the Day is Bucolic, so it fits.

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/07/07/bucolic/

 

 

 

 

Love Expired – A comedy poem

Photo by SplitShire on Pexels.com

 

He took her to his favourite spot

The day was bright, the sun was hot,

She knew he liked to walk a lot

But she was getting tired.

 

They reached the zenith of the peak

It seemed she’d trekked for about a week,

And now the sweat streamed down her cheek

The walk was not what she’d desired.

 

Breathtaking views greeted her eye

velvet green forests, azure blue sky

but still, she turned and asked him why

“Why drag me up here?” she inquired.

 

Then he realised his big mistake,

The gaffe he’d made and what was at stake,

He should have honeymooned by a lake

or on a yacht, he could have hired.

Rather than this mountain that he admired.

And so like, life, their love expired.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22/May/2019

 

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/05/22/rdp-wednesday-breathtaking/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/05/22/velvet/

FOWC with Fandango — Gaffe

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/05/22/your-daily-word-prompt-zenith-may-22-2019/