A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:
Stapler
Slug
One-eyed teddy bear
A bunch of carrots
Vibrator
Here is his post:
Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23
So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉
Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.
Him
“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,
I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.
I know it looks rather funny, with one eye upon its head,
but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”
“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.
I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,
I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves
It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”
“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,
so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.
So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!
I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”
“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal
Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,
the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.
So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”
HER
“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,
and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.
I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,
A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”
HIM again
“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.
I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo
It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.
It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”
Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019
I hope you like this Rory!
