A Steampunk Story – A slightly longer version.

I set out to write a 42 word story for Deb Wittam’s challenge, See link below:

https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2020/08/16/42-words-32-a-steampunk-short-story/

But then I decided I wanted to write a slightly longer version as the character intrigued me. So here goes, I hope you like it:

steampunk

The crazy-haired inventor stared at his reflection in the looking-glass. His steam-powered hair rejuvenator made popping sounds as he lifted it to his head and tamed his wild white hair, His eyes protected from the diabolical heat by his green glass goggles.

By the standards of the day, he was naked, which meant that he was fully clothed in his underwear, which covered him from the neck to his knees in horizontally blue and grey striped wool.

Also, by the standards of the day he was seen as a delinquent, neither a wealthy aristocrat nor a hard-working citizen. He may well have been a dope fiend the way decent folk gave him a wide birth.

People failed to consider the inventor as a valid member of society but that didn’t stop them from using his steam-powered gyrocopter to travel to the Riviera for their summer hols, or his piston-powered potato masher. Even the good old Queen herself had been known to use his steam-powered titilatory discombobulator, for what purpose one can only guess but her innocent demeanour was clearly deceiving.

Just then, the heat from his hair rejuvenator set his eyebrows alight.

After the necessary application of Dr Quakular’s Eyebrow soother, he sat down and took his new invention apart again, his skills at tinkering were uncanny.  He was determined to prevail and always had to finish any invention he had started, which probably accounted for why he’d only invented three things so far and one of those had an appalling safety record. Thank goodness health and safety legislation was something only seen in science fiction novels.

 

I have included the following word prompts:

FOWC with Fandango — Finish

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2020/08/16/your-daily-word-prompt-prevail-ydwordprompt-august-16-2020/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/08/16/rdp-sunday-deceiving/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/15/delinquent/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/08/16/uncanny/

 

 

Another Silly Rhyme – A Bash on the Noggin.

adult alone black and white dark
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

 

I am a rather impulsive chap,

Unfortunately, it has to be said.

The other day, I got in a flap

and totally lost my head.

I thought I’d got an Intruder

so I bashed them on the noggin,

With my hand-knitted draught excluder

I gave them one hell of a floggin’

You can imagine my total dismay

when they rolled over and I Saw

the Postman with his letter’s in disarray

and a parcel that was meant for next door.

I’m sorry for the postman’s headache

and I couldn’t be more distraught

It was a totally honest mistake

I just hope that he’ll settle out of court.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22nd May 2020

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/rdp-friday-settle/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/noggin/

 

Chelsea Owens is also hosting a weekly Hilarity contest, click on the link below to have a look at her latest post:

The Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/16 – 5/22/2020

 

 

 

The Ballad of Ted and Flo – A Raunchier Genre Challenge

broken heart love sad
Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com

This poem was written for the Genre Challenge:

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2019/04/05/genre-writing-challenge-april-5/

Today’s genre and image:

Spicy: a romance in which married characters work to resolve their problems.

 

I have also included the following Word Prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/05/collar/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/05/your-daily-word-prompt-plenty-april-5-2019/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/05/your-daily-word-prompt-flurry-april-4-2019/

FOWC with Fandango — Condone

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/05/rdp-friday-laundry/

 

The Ballad of Ted and Flo

Florence and Ted

Were happily wed

But something had gone off the boil

So, one day they decided

And to me, confided

to start rubbing each other in oil.

 

Now I don’t usually condone,

This new raunchier tone,

But there’s a lesson to be learned in all this.

For while there is fun and surprises

In wearing disguises

It doesn’t always end in connubial bliss.

 

Flo told me then

It had all gone wrong when

Ted had suggested they try some role-play

She played a laundress

But it caused much distress

Doing nothing but laundry day after day.

 

Then apparently Ted

Suggestively said

That Flo fitted him with a tight collar

This caused a flurry

And Flo had to hurry

When Ted turned bright red and started to Holler.

 

Now there’s plenty to be said

For trying fun in bed,

But be sure you choose the right way

For Ted and poor Flo

This just wasn’t so

And Flo moved in with me yesterday.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 05/April/2019

 

I hope you enjoyed this light-hearted poem. 🙂

A Valentines to Remember – A comedy poem.

Love 1

A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:

Stapler

Slug

One-eyed teddy bear

A bunch of carrots

Vibrator

Here is his post:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23

 

So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉

Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.

 

Him

“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,

I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.

I know it looks rather funny,  with one eye upon its head,

but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”

 

“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.

I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,

I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves

It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”

 

“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,

so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.

So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!

I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”

 

“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal

Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,

the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.

So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”

HER

“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,

and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.

I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,

A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”

HIM again

“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.

I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo

It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.

It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019

 

I hope you like this Rory!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Foolish Murder Mystery – A Poem written for the Genre Challenge.

 

This poem was written for the Haunted Wordsmith’s Genre Challenge.

Todays Genre is: Locked Room — a mystery in which the crime is apparently committed under impossible circumstances (but eventually elicits a rational explanation).

I have also included the following Word Prompts:

https://lightmotifs.wordpress.com/2019/03/31/three-things-challenge-pl46/

Today’s prompt: gizmo, champion, parrot

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/04/01/down/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/04/01/rdp-monday-fool/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/04/01/your-daily-word-prompt-fool-april-1-2019/

FOWC with Fandango — Fool

Which was made easier because three chose the same word: FOOL.

 

A Foolish Murder Mystery

 

The room was locked

That was for sure,

and so, I charged

and broke down the door.

The body lay

Against the fender,

The wound was bloody,

Red and tender.

Who could have killed

This dear old man?

He was all alone

And so, I began

To search for clues

To find the truth,

I became a champion,

I became the sleuth.

I searched around

Both high and low

And then I found

A strange gizmo.

I picked it up

Then heard a squawk

I saw a Parrot

That began to talk.

“Who’s a fool? You’re a fool!

It clearly said

Then I saw the blood

From the old man’s head.

My fingerprints

Were now upon

The object that was

The murder weapon.

I realised late

Why the Parrot exclaimed.

I was a fool

And I’d been framed.

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 01/April/2019

scarlet macaw
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

Animal Thoughts, A poem for the Kreative Kue Picture Challenge

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

This poem was written for the Kreative Kue challenge from the Keith Kreates blog, see the link here:

https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/kreative-kue-211/

Animal Thoughts

I often wonder wistfully,

As I’m sure do you,

What do animals think about?

What in their minds, pass through?

They often stand and stare at us,

poor humans walking by,

We laugh and point and make a fuss,

They probably wonder why.

I imagine Impish Impala think

About the prank they’ll play,

On the next group of travellers

That journey past their way.

And what of the noble Gnu?

What do they consider while,

the tourists gather around them,

What makes them look and smile?

I suppose they think we’re foolish,

Standing still on our two feet,

Just to get a glimpse of them,

We brave the savannah heat.

It’s probably us and our silly ways

That makes hyena laugh,

You won’t catch them

Waiting hourly

Just to take a photograph.

And these three splendid antelope,

Of the Sable kind,

What is going through their heads?

What thoughts tick through their mind?

They look rather stern and grandly bold.

Their glance appears quite flat,

I expect that what they’re thinking is,

“Oi! What are you lot Gawping at?”

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 18/March/2019

 

I have also included the following word prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/laugh/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/rdp-monday-bold/

 

A Spooky Valentines – A macabre poem for A Guy Called Bloke’s Challenge.

art-1293869_960_720

Well it may be far too late now, but A Guy Called Bloke set a challenge to write a horror story (or Poem) including the following items:

Spooky Card

Rotten Heart

Carnivorous Chocolate Box

Haunted Balloons

Romantic Massacre

Voodoo Dolly

Undead Partner

Devilish Desire

See the posts here:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 9

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 D9

 

So here is my attempt.

 

A spooky card came through the door,

I opened it up and nearly swore,

It was from a man I’d thought was dead.

He should have been, I’d chopped off his head.

 

My undead partner will turn me insane,

It seemed he’d risen up once again,

I thought I’d driven him away.

But now he’s back on Valentine’s Day!

 

This time I’ll extract his rotten heart,

A romantic massacre to tear him apart,

Or else I’ll use my voodoo doll,

Or haunted balloons, I’m on a roll.

 

Or how about a carnivorous chocolate box?

Of failing that a dose of chicken pox?

No, I’ll overindulge my devilish desire,

And burn him satanically on the fire.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 15/February/2019

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/15/your-daily-word-prompt-overindulgence-february-15-2019/

A Pirate’s Life – A Poem

Well, It’s a bit late, but I have finally risen to the challenge set by Rory, A Guy Called Bloke, to write something about a Pirate in honour of International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

See here:

International Talk Like a Pirate Day Recruitment Drive!

So here is my poem about A Pirate’s Life.

 

They say a pirate’s life is great,

But let me tell you, my shipmate,

That it’s not a jot

as great a lot

As some would say, of late.

 

Oh, there’s plenty o’ rum, that true,

But you have to share with the crew,

And they all reek and smell,

It’s like living in hell,

It’s not worth the gold you accrue.

 

No, ’tis a terrible life despite,

All the spoils that come in a fight,

So, I couldn’t care less,

It was under duress,

That I became a pirate that night.

 

As I sail these seven seas,

Wi’ me pants around me knees,

And a sword that’s very curvy,

I’ve got a touch of scurvy,

And I’m completely covered in fleas.

 

The End

 

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/duress/

 

A Man with Eclectic Tastes – A silly poem.

Picture from the WordPress free Library – Pexels.

 

A Man with Eclectic Tastes

His tastes were truly eclectic,

‘though the apartment was rather compact.

It had views of the city, quite hectic

Which made up for the space it so lacked.

 

On one wall was a painting by Monet,

A copy, but marvellously done,

On another, a Gauguin on display,

With a Pollock, Picasso and Cezanne.

 

The ceiling was painted bright lilac

The sofa was orange velour

His tastes were quite strange

and I suspected, deranged.

They wouldn’t be copied, I’m sure.

 

In the bathroom, a mural by Dali

leered out at you from the wall.

I felt a right proper Charlie,

When I screamed at The Scream in the hall.

 

I admit to feeling unsettled

When he showed me the etchings he’d done

It’s not every day,

You see art done that way,

But I’m sure it will appeal to someone.

 

Then he uncovered his tattoos

I’m afraid that was the final straw,

When he gave me a wink,

Standing covered in ink,

I just turned and ran out of the door.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 21/September/2018

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/your-daily-word-prompt-eclectic-september-21st-2018/comment-page-1/#comment-1288

FOWC with Fandango — Compact