Another Silly Rhyme – A Bash on the Noggin.

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Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

 

 

I am a rather impulsive chap,

Unfortunately, it has to be said.

The other day, I got in a flap

and totally lost my head.

I thought I’d got an Intruder

so I bashed them on the noggin,

With my hand-knitted draught excluder

I gave them one hell of a floggin’

You can imagine my total dismay

when they rolled over and I Saw

the Postman with his letter’s in disarray

and a parcel that was meant for next door.

I’m sorry for the postman’s headache

and I couldn’t be more distraught

It was a totally honest mistake

I just hope that he’ll settle out of court.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 22nd May 2020

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/rdp-friday-settle/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2020/05/22/noggin/

 

Chelsea Owens is also hosting a weekly Hilarity contest, click on the link below to have a look at her latest post:

The Weekly Hilarity Contest 5/16 – 5/22/2020

 

 

 

Twittering Tales – The Last Laugh

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Photo by enriquelopezgarre at Pixabay.com

 

She sat under an umbrella, her pale body sheathed in fine linen with bare skin smothered in sun-cream.

She gazed at the young and foolish who camp out burning in the full sun.

A few laughed at the young girl covered from head to toe.

She had the last laugh; she was nearly fifty.

[280 Characters]

 

This story was written for Kat Myrman’s Twittering Tales, Click on the link below:

Twittering Tales # 147 – 30 July 2019

 

I have also included the following word prompt:

FOWC with Fandango — Camp

 

Twittering Tales – Pugs in Blankets

Photo by Matthew Henry at Unsplash.com

 

She wrapped him in a tassel blanket and gave a laugh.

She took the picture and added it to her dating profile labelled ‘Pugs in Blankets’.

Her Pug thought “Silly girl! Take me for a walk and I’ll find the perfect guy. You can tell the best humans by the way they treat their dogs.”

 

[280 Characters]

This story was written for Kat Myrman’s Twittering Tales.

Twittering Tale #128 – 19 March 2019

 

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/rdp-tuesday-tassel/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/laugh/

 

 

Some Silliness – Share Your World and Mr Impy asks some questions.

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Melanie B Cee on her Blog, Sparks from a Combustible Mind, regularly posts her Share the World post, which asks questions. See her post here:

https://sparksfromacombustiblemind.com/2019/03/18/share-your-world-3-18-19/

Also, A Guy Called Bloke, who I call Mr Impy because of his mischievous impishness has also posed some intriguing questions. See his post here:

7 and Three Quarters Nutty

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QUESTIONS

1) Do You Have Any Guilty Pleasures? –

I have many, many guilty pleasures. I like to dunk my biscuits (cookies) in my tea. I like to eat cold baked beans straight out of the tin and I take great pleasure in watching very old movies and T.V programmes that others may think are too old. I am talking Anna Neagle, Greer Garson and even Laurel and Hardy!

2) What Is The Worst Pick Up Line You Ever Heard?  

        For the guys: What’s The Worst Pick Up Line You’ve Used?

I do not engage in that sort of thing. I’d rather just put my feet up at home and have a nice cup of tea and dunk my biscuits. 

3) What Slang Or Trend Makes You Feel Old?

All of it. I don’t keep up with trends or slang. I don’t really have any interest in it either. When people use Internet slang on their blogs or messages I have to look it up to see what they mean. I have occasionally been guilty of using LOL but only since I found out it meant Laugh out Loud rather than Lots of Love. 

4) What Do You Consider The Most Over-rated Song?

Oh, So, So Many. I am bound to annoy people and lose friends when I say that most of whom people consider to be Iconic musicians, I cannot see what the fuss is about. Elvis is probably the last Pop Icon worthy of the title. All else are dross. 

5) You Find A Book And Begin To Read Only To Discover That It Is Your Life. You Get To The Point That You Are At Now, Do You Turn The Page Knowing That You Will Not Be Able To Change The Events To Come?

Unlike a friend of mine, I NEVER read the last page of a book before I get to it. I read the back cover, synopsis then I start from the beginning. I often lose interest but I NEVER Jump forward. I would be the same with a book of my life. I would hope that there is a lot of interesting stuff to come. Ideally, the rest of the book would be blank with the words, “Write your own Adventure” written at the top. 🙂 

 

That was for Melanie’s Share Your World. I hope you appreciate my Bold responses.

Now for Rory’s Nutty questions. Let no one doubt my fidelity to my fellow bloggers.

7 and Three Quarters Nutty Questions

 

  • A cowboy rode into town on Friday. He stayed in town for three days and rode out on Friday. How is that possible?

There is a proper answer to this, that Friday was the name of the horse he rode in on, but there is another possibility. The whole thing happened on another planet where the sun’s orbit is sufficiently shorter that one week is exactly three days and they only have Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

A rooster laid an egg on top of the barn roof. Which way did it roll?

Roosters lay square eggs so it didn’t roll at all.

A truck driver is going down a one way street the wrong way, and passes at least ten cops. Why is he not caught?

Because he is carrying a very large bazooka and looks like a really mean fellow.

A farmer had 752 sheep and took one shot that got them all. How did he do it?

He fired a grenade that then exploded carrying them all, including himself, to kingdom come.

What word is spelled incorrectly in every single dictionary?

Well a lot of words that have a U in them in British English and don’t for American English, an Englishman would consider them spelt wrong in American Dictionaries whereas an American would consider them spelled wrongly in English Dictionaries. Of course, the word Incorrectly is also spelt incorrectly.

What starts with “e” and ends with “e” but only has one letter in it?

An Envelope usually only has one letter in it, but there is nothing stopping anyone from putting more than one letter in, or indeed including something unpleasant, like a dog turd, but only if being sent to a politician.

What two keys can’t open any door?

The Florida Keys, they can’t open any door and of course, Alicia Keys has a huge entourage who are paid to do that sort of thing for her.

Monkeys are perfectly capable of opening doors and if you don’t believe me, try having some privacy in a toilet cubicle surrounded by marauding macaques.

A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a single hair on his head got wet. How come?

He had rubbed Nixwax into his hair, or would that count as protection?

He hadn’t got any hair in the first place.

He had an umbrella, he just didn’t carry any protection, ie he was vulnerable to a physical assault or potential producing some unwanted offspring.

Would you rather be trapped in an elevator full of men with BO, three soaked dogs, a basket filled with week-old smelly socks or a box filled with used nappies?

I don’t get into lifts (what we call elevators, by the way) I always use the stairs. Lifts tend to smell of urine and are invariable breaking down.

Would you rather look like an octopus, act like an octopus or be an octopus?

I suppose I’d rather act like an octopus. I could swim around and then spray people with ink if I felt under attack, which is pretty constant.

If you had the world’s attention for 30 seconds, what would you say?

Just shut up, stop whining, whinging and procrastinating (look who’s talking 😉 ) and get on with trying to make the world a better place.

Would you rather be able to copy and paste in real life, or undo in real life?

I would rather create new material than copy and paste but quite often my new material is awful and rather cliched so probably an Undo button would be useful. In fact, maybe I should go back and Undo what I’ve said in this post….

 

So, with any luck, you have found my post amusing and it has made you laugh out loud.

I live in hope, anyway.

 

Have a nice day. 🙂

 

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/laugh/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/rdp-monday-bold/

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/your-daily-word-prompt-fidelity-march-18-2019/

 

 

 

Animal Thoughts, A poem for the Kreative Kue Picture Challenge

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This poem was written for the Kreative Kue challenge from the Keith Kreates blog, see the link here:

https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/kreative-kue-211/

Animal Thoughts

I often wonder wistfully,

As I’m sure do you,

What do animals think about?

What in their minds, pass through?

They often stand and stare at us,

poor humans walking by,

We laugh and point and make a fuss,

They probably wonder why.

I imagine Impish Impala think

About the prank they’ll play,

On the next group of travellers

That journey past their way.

And what of the noble Gnu?

What do they consider while,

the tourists gather around them,

What makes them look and smile?

I suppose they think we’re foolish,

Standing still on our two feet,

Just to get a glimpse of them,

We brave the savannah heat.

It’s probably us and our silly ways

That makes hyena laugh,

You won’t catch them

Waiting hourly

Just to take a photograph.

And these three splendid antelope,

Of the Sable kind,

What is going through their heads?

What thoughts tick through their mind?

They look rather stern and grandly bold.

Their glance appears quite flat,

I expect that what they’re thinking is,

“Oi! What are you lot Gawping at?”

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 18/March/2019

 

I have also included the following word prompts:

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/laugh/

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/18/rdp-monday-bold/

 

50 Word Thursday’s – Hidden Narcissism.

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This story was written for the 50 Word Thursday challenge: See the post here, it isn’t too late if you wanted to have a go too.

https://talesfromthemindofkristian.wordpress.com/2019/02/28/50-word-thursdays-9/

 

They travelled in comfortable companionship, talking about their daily lives.

The friendship that blossomed between them seemed steadfast. They had faced hardships together and had supported each other through them. However, now came the day of reckoning. Their friendship would undergo the ultimate trial, a test to see how strong or fragile their bond actually was. They had all fallen in love with the same person.

As they sat looking out to sea, one of the four was feeling very self-satisfied. She gave a laugh, knowing she’d managed to enchant the hearts of the others. Yet she only loved herself.

[100 words]

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/rdp-sunday-trial/

https://swimmersweek.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/laugh/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/fragile/

FOWC with Fandango — Reckoning

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/your-daily-word-prompt-enchant-march-3-2019/

 

Fragile Sunday – A poem.

bare feet boy child couch
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m feeling rather fragile now,

a bit lacklustre, flat somehow.

I’d like to lift my mood a bit,

To have a laugh, enjoy a skit,

But life’s become a trial today,

A day of reckoning coming my way.

So I’ll roll up tight, into a ball

and see what Monday has in stall.*

 

I didn’t realise but the phrase “To have something in stall” i.e. something in store, something coming up, is a UK English expression! Well, you learn something new every day.

FOWC with Fandango — Reckoning

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/rdp-sunday-trial/

https://swimmersweek.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/laugh/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/03/03/fragile/

 

 

 

An Unlikely Proposal – Poem written for my creative writing class.

For yesterdays creative writing class, I was given the task to write down two random names from a book or a newspaper and given them each a job.

So I wrote down. Carol Austin – A Cabaret Singer and Fred Melrose – a Civil Servant.

Then to write down two different locations.

I wrote down A Mountain and The Jungle.

Then we had to write down some objects. I wrote down:

A wide-brimmed hat

Some sun glasses

A tube of toothpaste

Capri Pants

A Mosquito Net

Then three emotions: I chose Fear; Bravery; Panic.

And an accident: I chose a Snake Bite. 

The exercise was then to write a poem or story using many of these prompts and going from one location to the other.

So without any more introduction, this is the poem that I wrote:

 

So cool, she sat in jungle setting,

with wide-brimmed hat and Capri pants.

Alone, we were, under mosquito netting,

except, of course for a thousand ants.

 

Her name was Carol, her job was singing,

and Boy, did she let out a wail.

It scared the snake that held her, clinging,

it bit her leg and then turned tail.

 

I jumped into action, as was my training,

and shouted loudly for all to hear.

The safari leader came in exclaiming,

“I’ve got the antidote so do not fear.”

 

But all was not so nice and easy,

the antidote had been left behind,

so, bravely, I rowed us down the Zambesi,

like a mighty Tarzan of the modern kind.

 

Panicked with fear and paler than white,

Carol looked up with her face full of dread.

As we moored at the jetty, the doctor in sight,

she said “If I survive this, will you marry me, Fred?”

 

The medicine worked; we were married in June,

It had ended quite well, all being said.

But where shall we go for our honeymoon?

Not to the Jungle, to the Mountains instead.

THE END

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 28/June/2018

This is my entry for the Elysian Blog Award.

https://blog.unnibabu.com/elysian-blog-awards-honoring-divine-talents/