The Dating Scene – A poem about a blind date, for A Guy Called Bloke’s Valentine Day challenge.

Valentines Day Writing Comp jpeg

A Guy Called Bloke has thrown down the gauntlet to write a story or a poem with a Valentine’s day theme. Click on the link to see his post:

Valentine’s Day Competition! 2020

 

Here is my poem:

 

I was desperate, I admit, it’s true

That’s why I agreed to meet with you,

It was Valentine’s day and not wishing to be unkind,

I wouldn’t normally choose to go on a date that’s blind.

Neither of us knew quite what to expect,

But you’re not my type, no disrespect.

You see, what I’m after, and no doubt so are you,

Is someone taller, good looking and twenty-two.

I suppose we’re both just too much the same,

two disappointed searchers, it’s such a shame.

It’s been a nice evening, not bad, alright

not absolutely a wasted night.

Sorry, what’s that you said? You’ll pay the check?

With your gold diner’s card? Just wait a sec.

Maybe, after all, this has been my fate?

Would you like to go on a second date?

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14th February 2020

A Valentines to Remember – A comedy poem.

Love 1

A Guy Called bloke has set the challenge, to write a story about someone presenting these items as a love gift:

Stapler

Slug

One-eyed teddy bear

A bunch of carrots

Vibrator

Here is his post:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 23

 

So here is my attempt at a comedy poem, that includes all the items shown above 😉

Warning: It’s a bit rude. I’d use the word ‘innuendo‘ but that would be too suggestive.

 

Him

“Well, my darling lover, to show how much I care,

I present you with this cuddly toy, a lovely teddy bear.

I know it looks rather funny,  with one eye upon its head,

but I made it with my own fair hands, I could have bought you one instead.”

 

“I took great love and care with it, cutting out the cloth.

I felt the pressure really bad, I began to foam and froth,

I had a big slug of brandy, just to ease my shaking nerves

It’s probably why, it’s only got one eye, but it helped me with the curves.”

 

“I know I can’t sew for toffee with a needle or a thread,

so I used the industrial stapler gun I got from out the shed.

So here is a Cyclops teddy, no please, don’t take it with offence!

I hope you realise the effort that this teddy bear represents.”

 

“I’ve bought a bunch of carrots for our fancy evening meal

Only the best for my love interest and they were on a half price deal,

the Guy who sold them to me told me they’re an aphrodisiac.

So with just one bite, this very night, I’ll get you in the sack.”

HER

“Well, Dear Sir, I am surprised, Glazed carrots are a treat,

and I accept your cyclops teddy bear, his face is rather sweet.

I must say though, my lover, I don’t think I’ve ever seen,

A bunch of carrots that have been so lovingly glazed with vaseline!”

HIM again

“Well, My dear, come over here, I’ve one more gift for you.

I got it from that shop in town, behind the public loo

It’s hard and pink, but don’t over think, it vibrates as well, you see.

It’s that twelve-inch pink sonic toothbrush you pointed out to me.”

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019

 

I hope you like this Rory!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Valentines Day Poem – Passion Fashion.

sunset hands love woman
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

I have often said that I don’t DO Valentine’s day, It is just a commercial load of tripe, but I have succumbed to the pressure and have written a love poem. I suppose there must be something in the air (not just the air freshener).

 

Passion Fashion

It seems passion is in fashion

For today at least,

But I prefer something

Longer lasting than

This particular Saints day feast.

Something durable,

Intimate, Uncurable,

And totally insurable.

A love that means I’m bitten,

By a life-long love bug,

A totally smitten kitten,

Just waiting for its hug.

So, for me, today is just the same

As all the ones that come and go,

They may not have the fancy name,

Of Valentines, but I hope you know,

That, to me love is not just a game,

A flighty ebb and flow,

But seriously, deliriously

I will always love you so.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 14/February/2019

 

https://ragtagcommunity.wordpress.com/2019/02/14/rdp-thursday-intimate/

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/14/smitten/

FOWC with Fandango — Durable

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/14/your-daily-word-prompt-passion-february-14-2019/

 

A Valentine’s Revelation. – A Poem.

A Guy Called Bloke has set a challenge, to write a story or poem about a Valentine’s day card and a Cherub. Here is the post if you like to have a go:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 1

4

Well, I don’t believe in Valentine’s day. I think it is a load of commercial rubbish. I won’t be taking part in it at all. Love is for 365 days a year not just for Valentine’s day. But I just can’t resist a challenge from that Guy Called Bloke, so here is a poem that should tug at the old heartstrings, and meet the requirements of the prompt. 🙂

 

A Valentine’s Revelation

He vowed never to send a Valentine’s card,

it was something he just wouldn’t start.

He was clear from the beginning

to his love, who was willing,

to accept that she never get a red paper heart.

 

No Red roses despatched by courier mail,

On a cold wintry February day.

No chocolates in boxes

or cuddly toy foxes,

He’d made positively clear it just wasn’t his way.

 

Then he gazed down at the present she’d made him,

at the cot and the cherub inside,

He admitted that here,

was a love gift, most dear,

With this valentines present, he’s so happy, he cried.

 

baby sleeping on white cotton
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 07/February/2019

https://wordofthedaychallenge.wordpress.com/2019/02/07/revelation/

 

 

 

 

 

A Spooky Valentines – A macabre poem for A Guy Called Bloke’s Challenge.

art-1293869_960_720

Well it may be far too late now, but A Guy Called Bloke set a challenge to write a horror story (or Poem) including the following items:

Spooky Card

Rotten Heart

Carnivorous Chocolate Box

Haunted Balloons

Romantic Massacre

Voodoo Dolly

Undead Partner

Devilish Desire

See the posts here:

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 . 9

Valentine’s for Luvvies Challenge 2019 D9

 

So here is my attempt.

 

A spooky card came through the door,

I opened it up and nearly swore,

It was from a man I’d thought was dead.

He should have been, I’d chopped off his head.

 

My undead partner will turn me insane,

It seemed he’d risen up once again,

I thought I’d driven him away.

But now he’s back on Valentine’s Day!

 

This time I’ll extract his rotten heart,

A romantic massacre to tear him apart,

Or else I’ll use my voodoo doll,

Or haunted balloons, I’m on a roll.

 

Or how about a carnivorous chocolate box?

Of failing that a dose of chicken pox?

No, I’ll overindulge my devilish desire,

And burn him satanically on the fire.

 

Copyright: Kristian Fogarty 15/February/2019

 

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/02/15/your-daily-word-prompt-overindulgence-february-15-2019/